Dray Yard Smokehouse - The Teege Critiques!

Every time I pass this new eatery in the Fine City, I always see the establishment packed -- the smells, the sounds, it's enticed me. You shall be judged. It's time... for another "TEEGE CRITIQUES"!

Upon entry? Greeted instantly with the offer of whichever seat took our choosing. No booking comes to mind? It seems Dray Yard Smokehouse is always fully booked between 6PM and 8PM every weekday, and especially weekends. Seems we were lucky enough to arrive within a minute of two tables cancelling.

Our waiter, Shaun, meanders his way through the tables and greets us with a welcoming smile, with a genuine interest in how our days were... nosy? No, just a happy man who takes an interest! The offer of drinks is exchanged, but me and my company were locked in a furious debate over how Thrall is much better than Garrosh! And we therefore haven't even given our full attention to the menus. So focus we must. Shaun explains it's no worry, to take our time, and lets us know that the special bottles are on the board and if we need anything to let him know.

I perused the board and found a very interesting apple, whiskey and cinnamon cider -- and upon tasting, was taken aback by it, with the colours of rich golden fields glowing from the glass. My company went with a glass of rosé to support her order. "Fruity with a zesty punch", was her description. Now to the main course, which we were both looking forward to. I went with a combo plate, which was £16.50 in price -- that is not bad, considering the amount of food you get! So my company did as well.

Her unique choice of chicken and ribs was a combination of splendid, succulent and warming smoked barbecue flavours, tastes of zest dry rub and moreish chilli, together with cheesy macaroni goodness that can only be made by the hands of those with talent. Words are sometimes not enough to describe what the mouth can taste. This is when English loses itself as a simple 26 letter language, maybe we should go for Russian? Too harsh -- French, too fluid? Spanish, too temperate? Then combine them all, find the words, and deliver.

So when it came to my decision, it was simple -- what's cooked long and slow, with flavours of another world? It's obvious! Any pulled meat that's slow-roasted, smoked or stewed... so why not have all three?

Beef brisket that is slow-smoked for a minimum of 12 hours. Pulled pork slow-cooked and finally, pit beans -- a combination of both, stewed with beans. Yes... this is it. This is near enough an orgasm on a plate. Why has no-one considered this as a food?

The service was on point. After two bites into the meal, Shaun checked everything was okay, and left us to it. I think he could tell from the smile on my face that I was enjoying it. Maybe I have even found a rival to pizza. Yes, I said it, Tony™ -- a rival of pizza! I'll drag you kicking and screaming from your abode atop the hill to this house of smoky foods and open your eyes.





Why don't we just take everything you've just described and photographed and put it on a pizza, so we can have the best of both worlds?

Dessert followed after a cleared plate. Pecan pie. Yes -- none other than Staghorn's favourite (sorry to those who do not know of Oxhorn and his works)! But yes -- it was there on the menu and I went for it.

Chocolate brownie was the accomplice, and well met it was. Alas no pictures of these desserts, as I am afraid my phone's battery passed away. But to say the sights were that which any man or woman can dream about.

So to say this as my final piece, I am blown away by what is done here; there is much more to try on the menu, and I will be back hungry for more of what's offered. So bring it on, Dray Yard. Show me what you're made of. Show me the wonders of your kitchen. Let me know your secrets. I will be back.

4 / 5 Stars

Sweet merciful pogo-sticking Christ, in all my years of friendship with The Teege™, I've never seen him praise an eatery so highly! A rare accolade for what, it seems, is a rare and brilliant jewel in the Fine City's crown. Eagerly anticipating a visit of my own!

Prison Architect - The Teege Conducts An Indie Game Review

PRISON ARCHITECT

So, a game about designing a prison... is that remotely close to trying to bring up your childhood problems in a game? Why yes, more than likely. Should I review it...? Well, why the hell not?

So here I present to you The Teege's no-holds-barred review of the breakthrough indie game from Introversion about designing and managing prisons!

The game starts with a rather intriguing campaign -- be warned, mini spoilers may lie ahead.

In essence, you're running what seems to be a fairly successful prison. In the first level, the basics on how to operate the game are given, as well as a general outline of what's going on in the game's bigger picture.

From the off, Prison Architect doesn't pull punches. In one cell, there is a priest with an inmate, and immediately the game throws a massive curve-ball at your face -- like your mum with the sports at Christmas. You must set up the execution chamber for his death! Now I like a game that can throw a curve-ball, but killing a man from the get-go... okay, Introversion, I'll admit -- you had me hooked (not like I have an appetite for the killing style at all or anything).



The Teege? An appetite for killing? Lord have mercy, sir, one couldn't possibly comment. Appetite for pizza, well, that's another matter -- though I'll admit, if The Teege's appetite for pizza isn't satiated with expediency, his appetite for killing has been known to rise...

As you progress in Prison Architect, the animated story lends a lovely context to the game as a whole. I'd describe its style as Borderlands crossed over with the Telltale guys. The depth of the story for each character is rather mind-blowing. It's not just your average "Bob is the killer" -- we're talking the psychological reasoning behind why the 'Joe Bloggs' committed three counts of murder, and in gory detail.

Initially, the sandbox prison builder is a tad like trying to squeeze your nuts through a mangle, but once you begin the painful process, somewhere along the way you begin to enjoy it, until you realise you have gone and popped them both and must restart the sandbox, because your idea just got 10 times better!

 


Five years in the games reviewing business, and never before have I encountered that... particular aspect of anatomy utilised as a descriptor in conveying the foibles of digital domicile design.

So I may have lost a couple of evenings to sandbox mode, where I ended up downing half the prison and the guards all died during a riot but hey-ho... I have to say, it's well worth a buy if you want to immerse yourself in building the world's perfect prison.

The Teege's Rating : 3.5 out of 5 Stars.

Good start for this indie gem, but it definitely needs more campaign storylines.

http://store.steampowered.com/app/233450/

http://www.introversion.co.uk/prisonarchitect/#screenshots