Ask Italian - The Teege Critiques!

This passion of food for me has never ended, from the moment I first tasted a pure unadulterated demi-glace. Its like an orgasm in your mouth, flavors you can not even imagine bouncing off your palate, your mind floating like you're on clouds before the bitterness ends and you must swallow. *sigh* Why must food be like this...? So, Norwich -- you're a fine city. Hit me with a quick bite, and bring it on. For I shall show you no mercy.

A cold blustery night, wandering around the city on a late November end-of-the-week evening. The wind billowing at my coat, we trudge on, we wander through the sweat-filled smell of Chapelfield. The Italian place that many have spoken of, some may even recommend. Let's see what say you! Stand, be counted -- or fall and be defeated!

The entrance was better than in Bill's... at least this time we actually were greeted within 30 seconds. A someone tiresome looking manager stressed over the fact that there were four front of house staff on and three somewhat uncouth looking half-brained idiots in the kitchen. Honestly.

If you have an open kitchen there is one rule that must be kept at all times with no exceptions! That rule is that you do not look dirty. But one chef in the kitchen was wearing as much jewellery as a rich socialite might wear when trying to attract a new sugar daddy. Beyond that, hair was everywhere! One chef even picked his nose when looking out at the restaurant and wiped it on his sleeve. When he caught my eyes looking square at him he turned pale.

I... that... really? Seriously? I mean, I've found a fag-end in my KFC before, but at least that's not as bad as wondering with dread if a meal I've ordered from a supossedly reputable restaurant is going to be garnished with some complementary nasal detritus. Reprehensible.

The head chef, along with the front of house manager, looked as though their last ounces of strength were being sapped out of them by the very presence of people in the restaurant. The beads of sweat on the manger's heads would be enough to fill a swimming pool. Heaven forbid if any of that got in my food!

Ah... food, the actual reason anyone should really live. The menu, varied, expansive and downright ridiculous. The quote on their menu states that their meals are made exactly the same way in Italy!

I can tell you now, I've eaten in Italy, I've been in Italian kitchens run by an alcoholic chef and I say this now -- the food made by the drunk Italian was far better than what I received here!

I ordered the bolognese, a simple Italian dish, a classic. If you work for an Italian restaurant and cannot produce this then you shouldn't be working there!

To say the least, this review is short... like my visit here. The pasta? Half-cooked and no meat in sight within the dish... oh wait, after half the meal I found a single one-centimetre-diameter ball of mince.

I didn't even stomach the whole meal, and anyone who knows me knows I ALWAYS FINISH MY PLATE!

I did wonder why that flock of flying pigs fluttered by my window the other day. Must've been the same day The Teege™ stepped away from a meal that he had not entirely eaten. In case you're wondering, THAT IS BAD NEWS.

The chefs at this time had all departed, the front of house staff too -- and this was at 7PM in a restaurant. I stood up, placed a £10 note on the plate with a handwritten note, and left.

0 stars. You are not a restaurant, I will not critique you. You no longer exist.

The note said "This is not food. Try again."

7 Heaven - an Excerp

So there are some trials and tribulations taking place over in exchange street of recent times. If you do not follow social media and the stories that relate suggest the neighbor had a falling out of sorts (using words aptly here) and there was a scuffle. But that aside how does the food and service stand?

Yours truly visited one lunchtime for a small bite to eat. The menu, cute and contemporary. Very simplistic but yet there are some small unexpected things available. I will say there is a free pickle bar? Now who ever has come up with this idea is off his fucking rocker... who the fuck wants free pickles?

Now the reason for this review is pure and simple. The customer service here has blown me away. We were first in the door on the day followed by a family of three. The waiting girl seemed a bit perplexed with the idea of customers, so maybe it was her first shift but she took it in her stride once she realized we wouldn't bite her hand off.

We ordered two waffles and two drinks, nothing too complex. The family next to us ordered three burgers. Now in normal terms of ordering and receiving whom ever ordered first eats first? But no the burgers came before our order. You can imagine I was about to walk over to the door, and leave, but before I could think of the notion the manager walked over and apologized, stated our food was to be completely free, and he was not happy this has happened.


Now to have management say this before the problem was acknowledged I have only witnessed a few times and these were in high end restaurants or 5 star hotels. but no, this happened in a small little restaurant in the back end of Norwich! I am blown away by this and I can only pass on my thanks and say beware I will be returning next to try the Burgers soon!



Now to the main event, the food itself! This will be short and sweet as my mind was still focused on the customer service so maybe it detracted from my focus, but the food was fresh, fulfilling and plentiful, you cannot say they provided a small portion! I will let the images speak for themselves.

All round 3.5/5 Stars from me, Now when the real test comes will you survive or buckle under the pressure! I will see you soon 7 Heaven.

Gonzo's comedy Night 24/06/16 The RETURN

Ah, this feeling I have sorely missed.

I must first apologise for our quiet departure on my behalf. Due to work commitments I had to take a minor sabbatical, but fear not. The Teege has returned to critique, and bring back what is needed throughout the world.

The Norwich comedy scene continues to grow and expand, outperforming its own heights at every turn. I've had the pleasure of attending several gigs throughout the Fine City during the quieter months of White Mason Reviews, and from Gonzo's and the Birdcage to the Comedy Crypt, there's both established and newfound talent deserving your attention.

 

           Olly Watson

So without further ado we return to one of Nelson's fine comedic evenings. Gonzo's remains the hub of this performance, and with a quieter than normal audience, it brought forward new material from the lineup.

To start with Olly Watson took to the stage. Now my counterpart here had been doing some research at another venue in town, and I believe he has previously seen this act, but for my first time on viewing the performance it was a little... well, dry. 

Simply standing there with his prompt cards, delivering single line jokes on simple topics, there were one or two that made me smile, but overall it was rather underwhelming. Lose the cards and interact with the audience more and you might be onto something. This act was short and sweet like my review - 1/5 stars.

Alackaday, dear sweet Teege, that the finer arts again go right over your head. Olly Watson is not a stand-up comedian - he is a performance poet. His rhymes and verses go from satirical to introspective, with the short and rapid-fire poems often hinging on the surreal and profane. I am happy to confirm that he's performed in a similar style at the Comedy Crypt, and indeed once before at Gonzo's, to great acclaim. I feel like the audience, crestfallen over recent UK political strife, simply wasn't quite ready for his barrage of poetic musings, but I feel like he'll come back stronger for it - so although 2/5 stars might seem stingy, rest assured I've a lot of time for Olly's performances in the broader sense. I'm definitely looking forward to seeing his readings again.





  Ross Downes

Nelson's little mix up brightened up the audience, bragging about his black spear as always... honestly Nelson! Following on was Ross Downes. I have seen this man's works a few times, and there is always a smile but... (yes Mr White - there is always a but) the same material AGAIN! Honestly, given a four month break surely you would think about having some new material other than being a dad, with your ex-wife and your new girlfriend. There was a new joke to finish and it was probably the entire highlight for the act! 

So not refreshing. 1.5 stars... and the .5 is for the new joke!

Perhaps a mite harsh? Ross improves incrementally, and continues to do so - and what we sadly didn't get to see during the course of the evening, which Mr Downes brings to the fore when he is performing as MC at events such as the Comedy Crypt, is audience interaction. This off-the-cuff brilliance is something at which Ross actually excels, perhaps more than he realises - he's able to turn even the least talkative member of the audience into a cascade of comedic delights. If he could integrate that more into his conventional stand-up, I believe he'd excel all the more. 3/5 stars.

     Ryan Cross

We meet again Mr Ryan Cross. However, I have to say - bravo. Short and sweet with a little line up of new material, you graciously have found me wanting more. You have left the pits of despair and found yourself in a new light. Leave the dark material out of the way and let this charge forward - you will hit a new high! I'm giving a good all round 4 stars. 

Generosity from the Teege! Though not altogether unwarranted. Ryan Cross is a persistent part of the local comedy scene, and that perseverance shows in his material. If anything, I'd suggest he simply doesn't believe in it enough to quite bring it to its full potential - but the jokes are staying fresh and he's becoming one to watch. 3.5/5 stars.

Kyle Stewart




I remember this man. Be careful how you approach him as he can tear you to pieces in less than 10 words. Yet Kyle Stewart is one of my favourite acts, His opening gambit of blunt force humour to shock the audience into listening works a treat. His impromptu comedy, bouncing off the audience who try to stonewall him, is brilliant. Completely new material and it worked. A pleasure to see again. 4/5 stars!

Scattergun and sensational, Kyle's comedic chops are as finely honed as ever. Dancing across topics with cheerful abandon, he's got style and sass to spare - always a pleasure to watch, and consistently able to bring the house howling to hilarity. 4/5 stars

Alexander Oliver






Alexander Oliver returned to Gonzo's stage, and with completely new audience members some old material resurfaced with great joy. When Alex does a straight set he can work the stage magnificently. His off the cuff comedy and his quirky ways make a blend of socially awkward humour to relax the audience into his plighted corner of the world for a little giggle. As solid as always, with a mix of new jokes. 3.5 stars.

Freshly arriving at the venue in his oh so dandy hat, Alexander once again launched into his hyperactive volley of jokes, lines and setpieces. He's consistent yet evolving, and you can tell from the riffs and asides he blurts when on stage that he's thoroughly loving every minute. The audience consistently thinks likewise - 4/5 stars!

    Ellie

A special mention to Ellie, who was dared to perform on stage, actually did so and told the tale of getting stuck up a hill in Wales... good story. Forget the one liners learn how to use the stage and you could be one to watch! 

Now now Teege - I had a personal fondness for the pizza-videogame joke 'Calzone', although I fear I was the only one in the room who got it. Didn't stop me crumpling at the table in fits of giggles.

Gbemi Oladipo

Talking of hysterics, Gbemi Oladipo was performing that evening, replete with his unique brand of fast-paced prop-based comedy. He's come a long way since first teasing Gonzo's with a tree branch turned into his own personal Nigerian Selfie Stick jibe - and since that time, has been seen at several of the venue's performances, bringing the house down each time. Although he likely didn't rate his own performance highly - ever the perfectionist - Gbemi continues to do fantastic work, and is always a pleasure to watch, with each performance speaking of his ambition and meticulous fine-tuned humour. 4/5 stars.

Ah Gbemi, I remember you from previous performances and I recall I was of the belief that your act was wanting more. After hearing you again six months on, it's good to know your performance has advanced beyond what I imagined you could achieve. For anyone yet to see this man on stage, Gbemi brings a twisted, light view to the world from his more humble background. The quirks of his performance do not fail to bring a smile forward - however, there is still more room for improvement. Charge forth, I'm eager to hear more in a few months. 3/5 Stars.




 Dylan Gott

Now the headline act that night was Canadian Dylan Gott, one man on a mission to make people laugh from beginning to end.

I was guffawing from start to finish. From the man's journey in London stoned off his face, to topical Brexit issues had everyone in the room lit up. His delivery is superb, a really great headliner! Furthermore his tips on picking up women over the internet, great advice! His hipster dad look works too. Was a shame we didn't get to speak any longer after the set finished. Please return to Norwich, you must have more to deliver! You are not allowed 5 stars until you have returned! 4.5 stars! Quality comedy.


It definitely feels like Mr Gott brought a new hilarity-high - no pun intended - to our sleepy little city. Not a single one of his jokes missed, and even those he thought we didn't take to as much were remarked upon as us being a fussy audience, who he'd then impersonate to hilarious effect. From highbrow humour to bodily functions, nothing was beyond Dylan's reach - have you ever seen your friends laugh so much that they turn bright crimson and fold up like convulsing collapsed deckchairs? Dylan Gott's a man who makes that happen, and there are definitely some bright steps in his comedic future. A flawless 5/5 stars - and massive thanks to Nelson T Gombakomba Jr and the other performers for a sensational evening's entertainment.

White Mason Reviews would like to that Viktoria DeRoy Photography for the generous use of the images from the evening's splendorous entertainment.  You can find her work HERE!

Easter With White Mason Reviews - Jokes and Chocolate

The time has come around again for the Easter Bunny to deliver its chocolate to us all - and what have we here at White Mason Reviews been doing...? Well, to be honest, playing a game we shall shortly hope to review and possibly do a playthrough on YouTube... but on perma-death mode... So Tony. You had better be prepared!





It's more you and your addiction to careening your character into the in-game pools of magma that has me concerned. Will we last five minutes on permadeath mode...?

March has already delivered a bounty of comedic goodness in two events once again surfacing, those being the Comedy Crypt and Gonzo's Comedy Night. Your humble scribe has attended each such mid-month delight - expect an overview or two to ensue in due course.

I predict with our collective knowledge of the game-world we must demonstrate our abilities - we have conquered the game once, and it's time we rise to the challenge that lies before us.

What else has happened recently in our world? Well, a small gaming conquest, a little trip to a local real ale/cider house and also attending a friend's gig - to which the reviews to all will follow.


New venues continue to arise throughout and beyond Norwich, and it would be remiss to not permit The Teege's analytical eye to be cast over purveyors of provender and libation alike - joined in so doing, of course, by your own humble writer and his esoteric ramblings. 

And then? April looms - and with it new adventures and a certain Teege's birthday. What japes await, I wonder?


So to finish our little update, Happy Easter and stay tuned - more is coming!

Titan Race - A White Mason Board Game Critique

It's been a busy few weeks for The Teege and I, and it began with a new source of intrigue. March saw the inaugural board games night event in Aroma, the coffee shop and cocktail bar so close to our hearts - and Mr Mason and I were joined by a fine consortium of compatriots in bringing both simple and complex tabletop play to this most welcoming of venues. Yet as the evening unfolded, it was a comparatively recent game, Funforge's 'Titan Race', which piqued our particular interest.

Chanced upon in the local specialist emporium, this simple jaunt - be the first mythical being to win the titular race - turned out to be a surprisingly nuanced and entertaining caper. Titan Race packs six copyright-friendly figures from legends and folklore together, each riding an almighty mount, and each specialising in their own weaponised means by which to turn the odds back in your favour.

The characters are fun, each pandering to a choice geek demographic - your humble writer was enamoured with the goblin pirate piloting a steampunk robot crab, while The Teege honoured his ancestry in electing for a yeti-riding Norse demigod. Other racers, like the dragon-critter-riding knight and the cultist atop a Lovecraftian monstrosity, each bring their own unique mythos and mayhem to the table.

Each character has access to a unique weapon - a yeti ice punch, a life-sapping dark power, an arsenal of traps to deposit on the track - to further flavour this mad scramble for the finish. In a twist almost like the arcade videogames of yore, Titan Racer has an intriguing mechanic for players who stray beyond the confines of the themed boards that define its racetracks. Indeed, leave the right hand side of the board, and your character appears on the left, as though circumnavigating the tiny world it represents. This opens up a surprisingly deep well of tactical play, which is further reinforced by the power-ups obtainable during play.

These weapons arise if you pass over specified areas of the board, similar to the hovering question mark boxes of Mario Kart games. They range from invulnerability (no lava shall thwart you!), through to specialised weaponry, and even to a summonable portal that The Teege used to devastatingly victorious effect.

So far, so fun. Each board has its own quirk - the ice world contains slippery regions that can help or hinder movement, the pirate island has spaces which incur the wrath of the local corsairs - and the idea is that tight, impactful races in which each player jostles for position whilst crashing, diminishing rivals' hitpoints and coming out on top, ought ensue. And while racing from the bottom to the top of the board in three laps sounds fun, we opted for the optional 'Grand Slam' rule, linking three board-worlds together for a multi-terrain challenge.

However, what sets Titan Race apart above all else is its use of dice. Indeed, the six bundled cubes of chaos contribute anything from straight-out sprints to swerving, trap-laying combos - and each face of the die also has a colour corresponding to a given character.

During a game of Titan Race, players take as many dice as there are players on the board, then roll to create a collective 'pool' of options. The first player in turn order chooses which of the available moves, as presented on the dice, best befits his racer, before the remaining players take turns to pick the remaining options. Furthermore, if you pick a die with the same colour as your player character, you can heal a hitpoint - a vital boon, lest you miss a turn if entirely knocked out. The penalty for full hitpoint depletion may seem mild, but take it from us - missing but a single turn in Titan Race can cost the game entirely. That said, downed players can still pick a die from the pool to thwart advantages otherwise offered to other players, lending a wry strategy to proceedings.

The Teege's Verdict of Titan Race is one of simplicity. It is a superb game, and I would recommend this to new gamers and established tabletop players alike. The idea of Mario Kart in a board game is probably the closest example we could find, and sums up the enjoyment that was created when playing said game (sorry to our buddy Nick for my punching you back to the other side of the lake, but The Teege won)! I give this a 4/5 stars and wait for the second round to begin!


We had a sensational time with Titan Race, to the extent that it's become a surprising hit with our board game community, and a growing favourite among our collection. Were your scribe to muster a complaint, it would merely be that he wants more - more weapons, more racers, more boards to trample through, and more mayhem! 3.5 / 5 Stars to a zesty new game, already packed with promise - but so ideal to become so very much more.

So if you chance upon Mr White and Mr Mason in the wild at a board game event, why not take us on in a race?

Just don't let The Teege near the interdimensional portal...

February in Norwich Comedy Crypt - Mr White's Overview

Comedy! You may have noticed that we - Mr Mason and I of White Mason Reviews, that is - have taken it upon ourselves to bring our scrutinising eyes upon the comedic jaunts gracing Norwich on more than one occasion. Indeed, although it is Gonzo's Comedy Night that most frequently tickles our funny-bones, it would be remiss to not turn our attention to another venue of japes rising in our midst.

Your humble scribe speaks of the Comedy Crypt - a monthly event in which the rising starlets of the UK comic scene pile into a dank medieval cellar with a variety of inebriated people. It's significantly more fun - and significantly less sinister - than it sounds.

Furthermore, it is with a heavy heart that one must chronicle that alternative happenstances and an altogether busy week (Aroma, rum, pirates, girls dressed as pirates) saw Mr Mason and I unable to attend our beloved Gonzo's Comedy Night for February. Did you attend? We hope you did, and we hope it went well.

Either way, with local hotshot Nelson T Gombakomba Junior taking the stage as headliner for the Comedy Crypt of 18th February 2016 - flanked by a roster of familiar and unknown talent besides - it was apparent that some White Mason Reviews perspective was in order. With Mr Mason alternatively engaged, it fell to Mr White alone - ever your ebon-and-crimson chronicler - to slink into the crypt like an eel into a catflap. Except unlike an eel that has just travelled through a catflap, I did not flounder about the place and then embarrassingly die - no no, I instead evaluated the evening's shenanigans for later tabulation, just like eels don't, due to their lack of writing appendages and general disinclination to hold an analytical mindset regarding the performing arts.

However! You know the rules! For a full comedy review, both Mr Mason and Mr White need be present, that our contrasting analysis capabilities be brought to bear. Given that only I was present, this shall be but an overview of proceedings, as utterly enjoyable as they were, in earnest hope of attending again come March, alongside the erstwhile Teege.

Yes, it was that good - in fact, the TL;DR version may as well be, well done everyone, this was an excellent showing of comedic talent.

The evening's events were conveyed by the Master of Ceremonies, Ross Downes. Mr Downes is a familiar face to White Mason eyes, having frequently performed at Gonzo's Comedy Nights - in which he waxes lyrical on relationship stereotypes and the bitterness of divorce. However, it was delightful to discover that Ross actually excels in the role of MC, interacting vividly and confidently with the audience, and holding the attention of the room with considerable regard for both genuinely funny one-liners and a good grasp of timing and pacing, ensuring each act gets their fair share.

The first act of the night was also a familiar face - indeed, February's Comedy Crypt was opened by Adele Cliff, whose frequent Gonzo's Comedy Night performances are backed by her trusty notebook o' puns. Her performance here was a similar story, entailing garrulous cringe-puns administered with cheery joie de vivre, alongside her habit of walking into the audience with leading questions about shared interests, ponderously analysing her notebook all the while. I've previously described her performances as 'weaponised awkwardness', and this audience was pretty receptive to her wordplay. Adele clearly loves what she does, and has honed a fine set, although we're eager to see what else she can make happen - more puns, more evolution of her stage persona, even more of the wry improv she's capable of throwing out when events deviate from her plans.

Also taking the stage on the night of 18th February was Mustard Xav, probably the most 'nice guy' comedian you'll ever meet - although not at the expense of wit. Indeed, he instead guided the audience on a pleasant and comical voyage through European cultural idioms, culminating in a surprisingly raucous sing-song about a girl he met in which any naughty rhyming words were substituted at the last second with something innocuous. It worked far more effectively than I can even make it sound - I'd enjoy seeing another performance!

When Tom Masters took the stage, it was as replacement for an act that had cancelled, yet he handled the situation admirably, delivering dry, deadpan and intellectual humour - though not so lofty in the brain-box as to alienate the audience. Instead, he clinched a fine balance, and even leant on the fourth wall in admitting that he had written lots of notes on his hand but, reading them back, now had no idea what most of them meant.

In fact, the talent remained consistently strong throughout the evening, with a variety of comedy styles that flowed in a complementary way, each of which being eagerly met by the audience. Catherine Bohart played on sexuality and gender stereotypes to tremendous effect, telling tales of how whenever she came out of the closet to people, they would double-check if she was sure due to her conventionally feminine personal style - a fine framing of prejudices brought to light with lightning Irish wit.

And when Tom Mayhew took the stage? Well, if Adele Cliff represents weaponised awkwardness, Mr Mayhew is a warhead of mass anxiety! "I had a girlfriend once," he remarked, courting coos from the audience, before looking around sullenly and adding, "...That was a joke."

Tom was a delight, flatly delivering a roster of riotously funny anecdotes about his vaguely misanthropic lifestyle, after which he selected a 'new friend' from the audience - a jocular drunkard who was just happy to be in the room - and after confounding him with a series of social obligations for friendship, dismissed him again to applause. Indeed, this succinct roundup does not do his set credit, and I look forward to attending future performances.

Similarly on fine form was Al Wycherley, another frequent Gonzo's comic who has seriously boosted his comedic chops since we saw him last. Soaring from local humour - a wise opener indeed - to a hysterical set about the musician Adele, Mr Wycherley has evidently hit his stride, and was one of the evening's strongest performers - no small praise, given he was among such a talented bunch. We love seeing comics we thought we knew surprising us in fantastic new ways, and you can be certain White Mason Reviews will keep a close eye on this one.

Nelson was a comedic onslaught, with
every joke captivating the crowd.

But let's be honest. Let's look to our headliner, Mr Nelson T Gombakomba Junior - and let's put our damn hands together, because the big man with the plan utterly stole the show in one of the strongest performances I've ever had pleasure to witness him administer. Dressed in a hitherto-unseen casual style - a contrast from his suited and booted stage persona - Nelson wove established hits and brand new jokes into the perfect formula. Not a single punchline eluded the audience's peals of mirth, and his hilarious cultural jabs - where trips to a urinal become 'handling industrial machinery' and where anecdotes about school nurses take darkly priestly turns - were met with resounding approval.

Nelson rounded off a sensational night of excellent performers, each of whom left a tangible and electric buzz in the air. In fact, the Comedy Crypt at large is one to watch if you're after a fine evening in the Fine City - it's not as easy to find as Gonzo's Comedy Night, perhaps, but trust the sidestreets... and you'll be led to a cavern of comedic capers well worth your attention. Be assured that White Mason Reviews will be back in force!

Retro Gaming! Mr White's Corsair Contrast - Skies of Arcadia VS Rogue Galaxy

Piracy! Although not to be encouraged as a means by which to distribute and acquire games per se, it sure as buccanners and bowsprits is a fantastic topic for a videogame to be about. A couple of years ago, Assassin's Creed: Black Flag summoned a little more sensationalism to mainstream gamers' appreciation of digital doubloons and Caribbean capers. Today though, pirate-themed games are back on the fringes - and if you like Japanese roleplaying games (JRPGs), the pickings are slimmer than a finely shaven pegleg.

Yet there are two JRPGs that immediately spring to mind whenever piratical play is pondered, and it is here that we shall discuss their delights in the salubrious spirit of retro game review jocularity. Indeed, whilst my dear and esteemed Teege hones his Tekken talents and immerses himself in JRPGs of yore, your humble Mr White has mustered all hands to deck to pit Skies of Arcadia against Rogue Galaxy. Aye, me hearties - you read that right!

Skies of Arcadia - where belt buckles happen to your sleeves.

Skies of Arcadia and Rogue Galaxy are often compared, with the former being a Sega game that set sail on the good ship Dreamcast before its remastered rerelease on the GameCube. And although Arcadia is a world of magical steampunk airships and swashbuckling derring-do, Rogue Galaxy - for PlayStation 2 and, more recently, revamped for a high-definition Trophy-enabled rerelease on PlayStation 4 - is an interstellar sci-fi romp featuring some plucky space pirate hijinks. It was developed by Level-5, ingenious inventors of massively popular games like Professor Layton, Inazuma Eleven and Yokai Watch.

Rogue Galaxy - when your ship's sterncastle is an ACTUAL CASTLE.

Pit Skies of Arcadia and Rogue Galaxy side by side, and a number of similarities are starkly apparent. For one, the central protagonists are pirates in each game - although not the true definition of piracy, insofar as the attacking of trade vessels and the general penchant for violence is concerned. No no - both games are more akin to those Saturday morning animes we all grew up with, with chirpy shipmates and a general sense of the jolly lot of them being naught more than playful rascals out for a caper and a big load of mythical treasure. Similarly, both games have splendid flying frigates and galleons as a central means of transportation, and both feature evil empires that are planning to unleash ancient evils in an eternal lust for conquest. See? Told you it was like a Saturday morning anime.

Aika - Skies of Arcadia

Kisala - Rogue Galaxy

With oh-so-frequent random enemy encounters, mighty boss battles, and even similarly attired female deuteragonists with indefatigably chirpy personalities, both Skies of Arcadia and Rogue Galaxy could be assumed, at first glance, to be riffing off one another. Yet play each side by side, and their differences soon become apparent. For one thing, where Skies of Arcadia favours the turn-based battles of RPGs of yore, Rogue Galaxy has a frantic and fast-paced battle system that has you and your party members dashing around, urgently attempting to outwit foes who hit like trucks full of ouch-juice.

Furthermore, both games have a broader reach than their anime-eque plots alone. Rogue Galaxy has a rather opaque yet versatile item manufacturing metagame, not to mention bounty hunting and an insect battling and breeding tournament none too dissimilar to a certain monster-catching franchise that's celebrating its 20th anniversary this year. Meanwhile, Skies of Arcadia features bounty hunting too, but also a fully realised Discoveries system befitting its world's 'Age of Exploration' era - and you're fully able to pilot a variety of gorgeous sky-ships, in contrast to Rogue Galaxy's singular, impressive yet only-flown-in-cutscenes interstellar galleon. Indeed, Arcadia then throws ship battles into the mix - often challenging and highly strategic, factoring in rival ship captains as well as ancient gargantuans from beyond recorded history. Add to that the crew recruitment metagame Arcadia offers - wherein each member adds new capabilities to both ship and terrestrial battles - as well as the ability to capture an island and set up a customisable pirate base, and it's clear that Arcadia is the world you're going to want to explore.

Getting boots this fine takes ages!

That said, both games offer oodles of secrets, yet Rogue Galaxy suffers a little from its dungeon-crawling modus operandi - the 'space pirate' motif could easily have worked as any other setting, as planets are essentially RPG towns and surrounding dungeons, though these are all wonderfully realised. Well, except for the Gladius Towers, a mid-game double-dungeon of mind-numbing length and tedium, whose constant random battles and labyrinthine structure doesn't so much scream 'filler and padding' as bring the enjoyable jaunt of the whole game screeching to an utterly deplorable standstill. Rogue Galaxy is an excellent game, however, and its rerelease via PlayStation 4 has allowed new audiences to appreciate its fun and finery.


Its status as a more modern game in the first place also has allowed Rogue Galaxy to age better from a technical perspective - the game has full voice acting of a uniformly high standard, and holds up well today. The same can be said of Skies of Arcadia, but there's no doubting it's showing its rough edges far more nowadays. If only they'd make an HD rerelease of it like they do with, you know, everything else ever.

"Look, desert planet or not, a jacket wouldn't have killed you."

Indeed, though Arcadia is the better game - only one planet to explore, but you get to explore it fully, whereas Rogue Galaxy's title is misleading with regard to its scale and scope - Skies of Arcadia is very rarely encountered in the wild. Chance upon a Dreamcast or GameCube edition of the game, and you'll be expected to drop anywhere between £60 - 120 for the pleasure of play. It's a price well worth paying for one of the most unique and enjoyable RPGs ever committed to the digital realm, of course - but in terms of accessibility, Rogue Galaxy wins out. You can cheerfully download it to a PS4 at your leisure.


Both games are fine interpretations of piracy through the fantasy filter, albeit without any freeform
debauchery or raiding or cannonfire or anything beyond thrilling heroics. Why, Rogue Galaxy's pirates are so law-abiding that renewing your travel visa in order to legally fly your starship is a plot point!

We'd love to see sequels to both Skies of Arcadia and Rogue Galaxy, yet their dear mother corporations seem to have their eyes on other prizes - painfully reducing blue hypersonic mascots to laughing stocks and making games about kids with magical watches going ghostbusting, last we checked. It's a shame, but if you've never played these fine piratical capers, we urge you to do so - stories woven around a golden age, formed in the videogame industry's golden age itself.

White Mason Reviews covers everything from restaurants and comedians to bars and videogames - if you've a product, an experience or an idea ready for our appraisal, feel free to get in touch!